Watching for Suspicious Packages

Lately, we are being advised to be on watch for suspicious packages.  I've been keeping an eye out, and have a lot that look highly suspect to me.

The UPS and FedEx guys are here almost every day.  That alone seems suspicious.  We're just a house, not a warehouse.  How can they keep delivering that much stuff?  And where does it all go?

The crazy neighbor we used to have back in La Crescenta was a horder, who always got daily deliveries.  Too much QVC and Home Shopping Network, we assumed.  Now, we are those crazy neighbors.

The UPS and FedEX guys always ring the doorbell fast, run back and jump in their trucks, and hightail it out the driveway, often before I can even get to the window.  They seem really eager to get far away from our packages as fast as possible.  They seem to suspect our packages too.  

When I was a boy, that "ring and run" thing was not just "suspicious."  It was a sure sign of mischief.  Only a fool would open a package left on their doorstep that way.

I'm no fool.  I let someone else bring in packages and open them.

Tuesday, I'd just gotten back from a trike ride (with Dennis, who was visiting from California) when the UPS van backed up to the open garage door while I was sitting in the garage changing out of my bike shoes. Probably the same guy in the doorbell-cam photo, above.  The driver didn't get out.  We heard thumping, banging, crashing sounds from inside the back of the van.  I remarked to Dennis that it sounded like the UPS guy was losing the fight.  Finally, after about five minutes of that, Dennis walked around to the side of the van, to see if the driver was OK.   UPS guy said he couldn't find a package.  He was supposed to have something for Sarah, but couldn't find it.  Would have to come back later.  Sounded suspicious to me.  True story.  Ask Dennis.

On Sundays, the US Postal Service "mailman" brings packages.  US Mail?  On Sundays?  I thought they were talking about cutting back to five days per week.  Instead, they went to seven?  Highly suspicious, if you ask me (but no one asks me).

We get cases of wine dropped off on our doorstep, too!  That's suspect for a lot of reasons.  Mail order wine is about as suspect as that wine in a box from the supermarket.  If we had any neighbors, they would certainly wonder about us (or steal if off our doorstep, if we had a doorstep, especially that crazy neighbor back in La Crescenta).  The wine delivery man is supposed to get an adult signature, but last time, he just did the UPS ring and run or drop and dash.  He may be getting suspicious about that wine, too.

Wine deliveries are particularly suspicious here in Indiana, where folks are only slowly and reluctantly letting go of Prohibition. Sunday alcohol sales just became legal this year, still only for limited hours.  A friend from California tried to send Lyn some wine for her birthday, but was told they couldn't ship it to Indiana.  Not entirely sure our deliveries are legal.  Suspicious?  Try sending us some anyway, just to test it.  

Lyn gets boxes of flowers delivered monthly.  And they're not from me.  Should I be suspicious?  She claims they're from our daughter.  Does that sound credible to you?  Any of you getting flowers from your daughters?  No, I didn't think so.  Mighty suspicious.

The other day, I was expecting a package, and the tracker said it should have been delivered.  But Lyn saw the package and said it was just a bra for her.

Today, the wife got chocolates in the mail.  Said she'd ordered them for herself.  I didn't actually see the package they came in.  Like I said, I leave that package retrieval to others less paranoid than I. What do you think?  Sound suspicious?

First flowers; then lingerie; now chocolates?  Suspicious?

Then there's all the packages where my wife says (opening something she seems to have ordered and forgotten)  "I wonder what this is?"  When I order something, I'm waiting for it, tracking it, looking for it, expecting it, and know what it will be.  Is it suspicious when she can't recall ordering it?

The dog also gets food and treats delivered.  I mean, I knew the dog had his own Instagram account, but I'm not too sure about him having his own PetSmart account.  May be a little too "smart."  See what I mean?  Very suspicious.  Makes me wonder what they've given him to keep him occupied in that crate downstairs.  The cats get treats delivered, too, but cats were always suspect.

Cat, plotting next order

Then there's the stuff I order.  Highly suspect, too:

There's the things I order from eBay, that sound innocent, but end up coming from China three weeks later by First Class Mail (free shipping) in strange envelopes.  How can it possibly be profitable to send something from China for $7.95, with free shipping?  I hear even the President is suspicious about that.  

Then there's all the stuff I order with wires, cable, gadgets and gizmos that even I should be suspicious about.  I long ago gave up trying to explain what they are for.  Lyn just eyes them suspiciously and asks, rhetorically, "More cables?"  If I try to explain it, I just sound crazier.  It's HDMI, or USB2, or Ethernet Cat5E.  If the FBI and the NSA don't wonder about me, they're just not paying attention.  I mean. wouldn't you be suspicious of this thing? 

Please don't ask.  It's too hard to explain.  Trust me, you really aren't that interested. I'm an electrical engineer (among other things).  Let's leave it at that. But notice that there is no blue wire, so you need not be worried about cutting it.

Now, we've signed up for this new Medicare supplement insurance through AARP, which meant we actually had to join AARP.  After 20 years of junk mail from AARP, some of it might actually be important.  The stuff it used to be safe to recycle automatically might be our new insurance cards.  I tell you:  No telling what to be suspicious about.